The Hidden Shame of Wanting More

There was a time when I thought wanting more made me ungrateful.

From the outside, my life looked fine. I had supportive friends and family, good opportunities and a purposeful path. But on the inside, I felt a quiet ache — like I had settled into a version of my life that wasn't quite mine.

And worse, I told myself I had no right to want something different.

When we lose the language for our dreams

I see this so often with my clients, too. They're smart, sensitive people. They've checked many of the boxes. But they come to me unsure, not because they don't have dreams, but because they've lost the language for them.

When I ask, What would bring you joy? or What do you want more of in your life? they often freeze. Somewhere along the way, they absorbed the message that wanting more was selfish, extravagant or unrealistic.

I get it.

In Give Yourself Permission to Live Your Life, I write about how deeply our upbringing — whether family, culture or religion — can shape our comfort with desire. Many of us were raised to tone ourselves down: to be grateful, humble and quiet, especially if things looked good enough on the outside.

I used to think it was wrong, even unspiritual, to pray for something just for me. I was afraid that if I admitted I wanted more, I would somehow lose what I already had. That God or the universe would punish me for asking.

Gratitude is a foundation, not a muzzle

But here's what I've come to understand: wanting more doesn't mean you're greedy. It means you're alive.

You can be deeply grateful for your life and still long for something greater. Gratitude isn't meant to be a muzzle; it's meant to be a foundation.

Still, I know the fear is real. Fear of disappointment. Fear of failure. Fear of naming your dream out loud only to watch it drift away.

But disappointment isn't the end. It is part of the process. It is proof that you cared, that you tried, that you dared to want something.

So what if you gave yourself permission to dream, just a little? What if you let yourself imagine a life that felt bigger, more colourful, more aligned with who you really are?

You don't have to leap. But you can start by whispering the dream to yourself.

You're allowed to want more. You're allowed to say it out loud. And you're allowed to begin.

What is one thing you secretly long for, but have talked yourself out of? What if you let yourself want it anyway?