Why Understanding Communication Style Matters

Communication used to be straightforward. If you wanted to get in touch with someone, you wrote a letter to their home, school, or work address. If you were lucky, you could make a phone call and have a direct conversation. The introduction of email added a faster, more efficient way to communicate. It wasn't as personal as a phone call or a handwritten letter, but it streamlined the process significantly.

Then, things started to get more complicated. The rise of messaging apps, instant messaging (IM), direct messages (DM), iMessenger, WhatsApp, Snapchat, and various other social media platforms changed everything. Different industries, generations, cultures, and countries now have their preferred modes of communication. As a member of GenX, I often find this overwhelming, but I also understand that these tools are necessary in today’s world.

Some might say I’ve created this problem for myself, and I’d agree I could have managed it better.

As a consultant and coach, my job requires me to be available to clients, colleagues, and partners across multiple channels. I don’t mind it; in fact, I enjoy being accessible. I often think about how people like to connect—whether it’s my friend Amanda, who prefers Facebook Messenger, my European friends who use WhatsApp, or my fellow board members who rely on regular text messages. I’ve even ended up juggling two phones—one for the US and one for the UK—each with its own texting and WhatsApp portals. Some might say I’ve created this problem for myself, and I’d agree I could have managed it better. But over time, this web of communication tools just layered itself on top of each other.

But there's another reason I juggle all these platforms. Communication is one of my core values. It’s something I consider essential for both my professional life and personal well-being. Having open lines of communication is the foundation for feeling comfortable and secure in both my work and my personal life. I’m lucky that my husband, who we joke is the product of an English boarding school, is a strong communicator. However, there are people I know who don’t communicate as effectively, and it can leave me feeling like they are hiding something or, even worse, lying. Whether or not that’s true, it’s how I feel, and it puts me on edge.

Over the years, I’ve encountered various communication styles, and I’ve worked with clients on improving their own communication. At the heart of it, good communication allows people to feel safe and to feel like they belong.

The Importance of Tailoring Communication Styles

What it really comes down to is this: People want to be communicated with in the way that works best for them. Some people prefer a phone call, others an email, and still others prefer using a messaging app. The complexity increases when you consider that people may want different communication methods for work-related issues versus personal matters.

It can be exhausting and confusing, but the key to success is being thoughtful and adaptive to the communication styles of others. When you take the time to understand how others prefer to communicate, you can avoid misunderstandings and build stronger relationships.

When Communication Breaks Down: A Real-Life Example

Just last week, I saw firsthand how miscommunication can spiral into unnecessary tension. In my community, the Homeowners Association (HOA) management company decided to step away from managing our neighborhood. Their reasoning? Too many of the 140 homeowners were "difficult" and "rude." While that may hold some truth, I suspect the real culprit was a breakdown in communication.

The management company, staffed mostly by younger Millennials and Gen Z employees, leaned heavily on email and an app to communicate. It was efficient, sure, but it didn’t resonate with the homeowners—most of whom are Baby Boomers or older GenXers. Many of the owners are accustomed to phone calls, face-to-face chats in the carport, and a personal touch when addressing concerns about their homes. The shift to a mostly digital approach felt cold and distant, creating frustration and misunderstandings that could have been avoided with a little flexibility.

Take a moment to ask people how they prefer to communicate.

If the management company had taken the time to understand their clients’ communication preferences, the tension could have been avoided. By being more mindful of the homeowners' need for personal engagement, they could have built trust and reduced the likelihood of frustration. In this case, no one was entirely at fault, but a valuable opportunity to improve communication was lost.

**Tips for Improving Communication and Avoiding Misunderstandings **Navigating today’s sea of communication tools doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Here are a few practical strategies to make it work for everyone involved:

1. Understand Preferences: Take a moment to ask people how they prefer to communicate. It could be a quick, casual question like, "Would you rather I call, text, or email?" It’s a simple step, but it makes a big difference. Younger generations often prefer quick digital exchanges, while older ones may still appreciate a good old-fashioned phone call.
2. Match the Tool to the Task: Not every platform suits every situation. Emails are great for detailed, formal messages, while quick texts or messaging apps work better for casual updates. For something more personal or sensitive, pick up the phone or schedule a face-to-face chat. It’s about using the right tool for the job.
3. Be Clear and To the Point: Whether it’s a text, email, or in-person discussion, clarity is non-negotiable. Avoid overly complicated language or vague instructions—especially in digital communication, where nuance is easily lost. If you’re sharing multiple points, organize them into a list or numbered steps to keep things straightforward.
4. Watch for Warning Signs: If tensions are rising, pause and reassess. Ask yourself: Are people feeling heard? Are messages being misunderstood? Sometimes, just stepping back and addressing the disconnect can work wonders. Check in with others to see if your message is landing as intended.
5. Stay Flexible: If someone prefers WhatsApp while another insists on phone calls, go with it. Flexibility shows respect for others’ preferences and paves the way for smoother interactions. After all, it’s not about the method—it’s about the message.

And in today’s fast-paced, tech-driven world, adapting to different communication styles isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.

**Conclusion: Communication Is Connection **At its core, communication is what keeps us connected. It’s not just about exchanging information—it’s about building relationships, fostering trust, and creating a sense of belonging. And in today’s fast-paced, tech-driven world, adapting to different communication styles isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.

Sure, the sheer number of tools and platforms can feel overwhelming. But with a little thoughtfulness and flexibility, those challenges can turn into opportunities for deeper connection. So, the next time you reach out to someone—whether it’s a colleague, friend, or family member—pause and think about their preferences. It might be a small adjustment, but it could make a world of difference in creating a meaningful, productive exchange.